Our Advice Blog

27

THE BATTLE
BETWEEN TEENS & PARENTS

#angryteens, #askvicki

Ok you love your parents, but if you, like many teens find that as you enter puberty quarrels and slamming doors are becoming the ‘norm’, read on for an understanding of why this is happening and what you can do to make home life hassle free.

The role of a parent is to keep their child safe, so when you were younger they were responsible for pretty much everything you did, from standing over you as you brushed your teeth, to what clothes you wore and how you got from A to B.

It should come as no surprise to you then that as you become more independent wanting to explore the world and make decisions for yourself, your parents find this concept new and alien to them.

Most families struggle with this new phase in family life and it can cause a lot of fighting and general bad feelings. You feel your parents don’t respect your decisions or are out of touch with the youth of today. They feel you need time to learn how to manage these new feelings and want to help….you see this as interfering!

Check out my tips for getting along and respecting each other during this time of transition.


1. MY FAMILY DON’T LIKE MY FRIENDS?

You should never judge someone by how they look or what you have heard, so ask your parents if you can invite your friends round for dinner or at the weekends from time to time so they can get to know them too.


2. WHY DO THEY ALWAYS NEED TO KNOW WHERE I AM…EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY!!

Your parents have a duty of care towards you and under the age of 16 you are their responsibility. So get into the habit of letting them know where you are and what time you will return. In the beginning ask them to drop you (and your friends) off and agree for another parent to pick you all up. As time goes by they will start to accept that you can live and manage life outside of home and away from them, but it can take time.


3. I’M SO FED UP WITH THEM MOANING ABOUT TIDYING MY ROOM.

If you want to be accepted as an adult then act like one and start by being more independent around the house. Let them know that you will tidy your room properly once or twice a week, fold your clothes (there’s nothing worse than a pile of dirty clothes on the floor). Clear the table after dinner without having to be asked. Leave the bathroom tidy after you have been using it. All of the above will demonstrate to your family that you are maturing and can handle increased independence out of the home too.


4. WHY CANT THEY LET ME BE ALONE?

Yes is it common for teens to want to shut themselves away during puberty but a closed door can cause alarm and concern for your well-being if it’s a regular occurrence. So if you do want to be alone, keep the door open slightly so your parents feel connected to you. And be sure to make time to spend with your family downstairs, even if it’s only watching the TV together or walking the dog.


5. SURELY I SHOULD BE ABLE TO CHOOSE MY OWN CLOTHES?

It’s only natural you will have your own sense of style, but having a full blown row over what you want to wear will not get you the shopping trip of your dreams. So take things slowly, share some styles you see in magazines or online with your parents so they can see what you like. Then when you next go shopping they will have an idea of what items to select and don’t be upset if they agree to only purchase a small number of these items compromise is everything and you can slowly build-up your wardrobe over time.


This time of transition to a young adult can take several years and is a time of adjustment for all or you, so be kind and avoid letting things get out of hand, don’t let any squabbles lead to days and days of the silent treatment, get things off your chest and then carry on normally, even if they have failed to see your point of view.

Feeling Overwhelmed TIPS FOR MANAGING YOUR EMOTIONS

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Comments

Cora

Me and my mum fight regularly and I hate it but it's mostly over how I think she is treating me different to my older brother or my room what should I do

JEEZ

My parents have set a tracker on my phone so they can see where I am 24/7!! I feel like I can't do ANYTHING without my parents knowing! It took a VEEY LONG TIME to pursuade my parents to let me walk throught the woods down to the park with my friends (who were all boys including my boyfriend) And they wanted somebody to walk me to the corner! I don't argue or shout at my parents because I font want to hurt their feelings, but sometimes I kick stuff or attack my bed. I do REALLY love them though.

Megan

At home I sometimes feel sad, emotional and want to be left alone in my room.Later on my mum comes up to check on me and says make sure that after you've calmed down come and meet me down stairs so we can have some family time together. I go down stairs and huge mum. All sorted :-) .

Proud to be a teen

This helped me a lot because all this week I've been non stop fiughting with my parents. I apparently have to always have to be smiling and laughing. Its not faiur. Its likevi can never have a bad day!! Especially since I've just started discharge, I'm moodsier than ever!!

hi there

i can not make valid points when arguing with my parents. They say im rude and that i am too sarcastic and that i talk down to people but its how my voice always sounds! they took my wifi away at home so im not depressed so now im depressed because i have no wifi. they want me to only have 2 hours a day on my phone!!!!!!! I AM NOT 2 YEARS OLD!!!!

*eyeroll*

*scoff* you haven't met my mum.

Abz

I know how it feels, I`m always treated like a child:(:(

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