Our Advice Blog

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THE BATTLE
BETWEEN TEENS & PARENTS

#angryteens, #askvicki

Ok you love your parents, but if you, like many teens find that as you enter puberty quarrels and slamming doors are becoming the ‘norm’, read on for an understanding of why this is happening and what you can do to make home life hassle free.

The role of a parent is to keep their child safe, so when you were younger they were responsible for pretty much everything you did, from standing over you as you brushed your teeth, to what clothes you wore and how you got from A to B.

It should come as no surprise to you then that as you become more independent wanting to explore the world and make decisions for yourself, your parents find this concept new and alien to them.

Most families struggle with this new phase in family life and it can cause a lot of fighting and general bad feelings. You feel your parents don’t respect your decisions or are out of touch with the youth of today. They feel you need time to learn how to manage these new feelings and want to help….you see this as interfering!

Check out my tips for getting along and respecting each other during this time of transition.


1. MY FAMILY DON’T LIKE MY FRIENDS?

You should never judge someone by how they look or what you have heard, so ask your parents if you can invite your friends round for dinner or at the weekends from time to time so they can get to know them too.


2. WHY DO THEY ALWAYS NEED TO KNOW WHERE I AM…EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY!!

Your parents have a duty of care towards you and under the age of 16 you are their responsibility. So get into the habit of letting them know where you are and what time you will return. In the beginning ask them to drop you (and your friends) off and agree for another parent to pick you all up. As time goes by they will start to accept that you can live and manage life outside of home and away from them, but it can take time.


3. I’M SO FED UP WITH THEM MOANING ABOUT TIDYING MY ROOM.

If you want to be accepted as an adult then act like one and start by being more independent around the house. Let them know that you will tidy your room properly once or twice a week, fold your clothes (there’s nothing worse than a pile of dirty clothes on the floor). Clear the table after dinner without having to be asked. Leave the bathroom tidy after you have been using it. All of the above will demonstrate to your family that you are maturing and can handle increased independence out of the home too.


4. WHY CANT THEY LET ME BE ALONE?

Yes is it common for teens to want to shut themselves away during puberty but a closed door can cause alarm and concern for your well-being if it’s a regular occurrence. So if you do want to be alone, keep the door open slightly so your parents feel connected to you. And be sure to make time to spend with your family downstairs, even if it’s only watching the TV together or walking the dog.


5. SURELY I SHOULD BE ABLE TO CHOOSE MY OWN CLOTHES?

It’s only natural you will have your own sense of style, but having a full blown row over what you want to wear will not get you the shopping trip of your dreams. So take things slowly, share some styles you see in magazines or online with your parents so they can see what you like. Then when you next go shopping they will have an idea of what items to select and don’t be upset if they agree to only purchase a small number of these items compromise is everything and you can slowly build-up your wardrobe over time.


This time of transition to a young adult can take several years and is a time of adjustment for all or you, so be kind and avoid letting things get out of hand, don’t let any squabbles lead to days and days of the silent treatment, get things off your chest and then carry on normally, even if they have failed to see your point of view.

Feeling Overwhelmed TIPS FOR MANAGING YOUR EMOTIONS

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Comments

Kaila

Me and my mum fight 24/7 because I’m a huge tomboy and my mum is a girly girl. Me and my dad also fight 24/7 and I don’t even know why he just shouts at me. And then I am a middle kid in a family of 11 so I should feel exiled from the family (because I’m the middle kid) And did I mention that all my siblings were BOYS!!!!!!! So I get no privacy at all and I always fight with them. So I don’t feel like I fit in but this really helped and made me feel like I did fit in more. Thx so much

Lyds

This has helped loads thank you so much.

Shaynie

I nearly got sent to live with my dad or go boarding school and I didn't care at the time but I don't want to get separated by my family and I really lovey dad too. 🙂💗💗💗

Pip

My mum and me fight 24/7 bcease she likes things like makeup and dresses but I'm really a tomboy yet this advice really helped 👍

Lizz

Extremely helpful

Nell

Im really struggling to get along with my dad because he denies me anything I want so I look normal because when I started secondary I was so different. I've I spent the last year trying to fit into friendship groups but I'm not because Im not allowed any social media (I'm legally old enough) so I don't no all the trivial stuff like who's going out with who but it sets me apart. The rest of the friendship group I tag along after don't like me cos Im sensible and work for good grades lots. We didn't form much of a bond because last year I spent my weekends training for sport which I recently decided was too stressful. As a consequence,all my friends there don't have time to c me thru training and all the friendship groups at school have formed with no space for me. I can't try to fit in cos my dad won't let me socialise out of school as he says I'm too young to go shopping without adult supervision. I'm always on edge at school trying not to put my foot in the fragile relationship I have with people so I'm not getting as good grades so dad is restricting my Internet use to get me to work harder but he's leaving me out even more which is making me unhappier and do worse. He is adamant that he is right and I am wrong with wanting to fit in but he is an older parent so he doesn't c how timed have changed. I used to love school because it gave me new opportunities and chances to prove myself but now I'm struggling not cry whenever he says I have to do some other silly thing that sets me apart from everyone else. Please.

Cora

Me and my mum fight regularly and I hate it but it's mostly over how I think she is treating me different to my older brother or my room what should I do

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