Our Advice Blog

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THE BATTLE
BETWEEN TEENS & PARENTS

#angryteens, #askvicki

Ok you love your parents, but if you, like many teens find that as you enter puberty quarrels and slamming doors are becoming the ‘norm’, read on for an understanding of why this is happening and what you can do to make home life hassle free.

The role of a parent is to keep their child safe, so when you were younger they were responsible for pretty much everything you did, from standing over you as you brushed your teeth, to what clothes you wore and how you got from A to B.

It should come as no surprise to you then that as you become more independent wanting to explore the world and make decisions for yourself, your parents find this concept new and alien to them.

Most families struggle with this new phase in family life and it can cause a lot of fighting and general bad feelings. You feel your parents don’t respect your decisions or are out of touch with the youth of today. They feel you need time to learn how to manage these new feelings and want to help….you see this as interfering!

Check out my tips for getting along and respecting each other during this time of transition.


1. MY FAMILY DON’T LIKE MY FRIENDS?

You should never judge someone by how they look or what you have heard, so ask your parents if you can invite your friends round for dinner or at the weekends from time to time so they can get to know them too.


2. WHY DO THEY ALWAYS NEED TO KNOW WHERE I AM…EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY!!

Your parents have a duty of care towards you and under the age of 16 you are their responsibility. So get into the habit of letting them know where you are and what time you will return. In the beginning ask them to drop you (and your friends) off and agree for another parent to pick you all up. As time goes by they will start to accept that you can live and manage life outside of home and away from them, but it can take time.


3. I’M SO FED UP WITH THEM MOANING ABOUT TIDYING MY ROOM.

If you want to be accepted as an adult then act like one and start by being more independent around the house. Let them know that you will tidy your room properly once or twice a week, fold your clothes (there’s nothing worse than a pile of dirty clothes on the floor). Clear the table after dinner without having to be asked. Leave the bathroom tidy after you have been using it. All of the above will demonstrate to your family that you are maturing and can handle increased independence out of the home too.


4. WHY CANT THEY LET ME BE ALONE?

Yes is it common for teens to want to shut themselves away during puberty but a closed door can cause alarm and concern for your well-being if it’s a regular occurrence. So if you do want to be alone, keep the door open slightly so your parents feel connected to you. And be sure to make time to spend with your family downstairs, even if it’s only watching the TV together or walking the dog.


5. SURELY I SHOULD BE ABLE TO CHOOSE MY OWN CLOTHES?

It’s only natural you will have your own sense of style, but having a full blown row over what you want to wear will not get you the shopping trip of your dreams. So take things slowly, share some styles you see in magazines or online with your parents so they can see what you like. Then when you next go shopping they will have an idea of what items to select and don’t be upset if they agree to only purchase a small number of these items compromise is everything and you can slowly build-up your wardrobe over time.


This time of transition to a young adult can take several years and is a time of adjustment for all or you, so be kind and avoid letting things get out of hand, don’t let any squabbles lead to days and days of the silent treatment, get things off your chest and then carry on normally, even if they have failed to see your point of view.

Feeling Overwhelmed TIPS FOR MANAGING YOUR EMOTIONS

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Comments

To Lilac

I know the feeling! But even though it doesn't seem that way then it shows that your parents care for you as they just want you to be safe. Try to build things up gradually, and maybe go out in a large group, with the promise to stick together, which will reassure your parents you can be responsible. Or, go out shopping with them and then go into a few shops alone or with a friend. As your parents are just round the corner, they will be less worried. Hope that helped. Also, in year five then there is plenty of time to talk to boys moving up from school. Believe me from experience, enjoy the time with your friends and worry about serious relationships later, chatting to boys in person as friends first. Have a great day, Chelsea x

don'tBeScaredToAskforHelp

Response to WHY. That doesn't seem like a safe and mentally yhealthy environment and I encourage you to talk to an adult or close friend about your living situation. :) you don't have to suffer, you can get help. :))

why

My dad emotionally abuses me and no one in my family is doing anything about it.

Lilac

ok I am only in yr5 but my parents won't let me do anything out of the house. Around 75% of my friends go out on there own whereas I can't They won't even let me give my no to a boy in my class. Though in fairness I have had a bad experience with a dum boy via txt. But still Any tips to help?

???

How do I bcom more responsible ( like chores n stuf)

@browncow

you could call childline 0800 1111 xx 😗🥰

Cupcake

My mom will not let me have a phone, wount let me buy crop tops, wount let me buy toys that I actually WANT, and is always yelling at me. She knows that she needs to leave me alone!!! What do I doooooo

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