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MYW187
12/4/2023 8:54:53 PM
Hey Vicki, I would love some advice about my friend. We have been friends since we were 11 and now I am 16 and she is 15. I used to like her a lot but this year she is really making me feel bad. I started running a few months and can do 5k in 28 minutes and I am proud of that and she started running a few weeks ago and she got a recent time of 26 which I am very happy for her. I walked into school this morning after the weekend and she said to me "still havent beat me at running yet. I said no i havent but then she went on and said to me - your time is great and so is mine but I think I know what your problem is, you just dont try hard enough This made me feel really unhappy because she is always doing things like this now and I know that I always try my best at everything I do. Another example is when she was asking us to rate each other in certain skills out of ten. Revising was one of them and rated me a 3/5 while i rated her a 5/5 and she said again you just dont revise hard enough - I felt so bad again. In pe classes we did fitness tests and I achieved very high scores. My friend had already done them and decided that she would repeat the tests again just to beat me - and she did. I was happy for her again but she just put me down again with a massive smirk on her face and said beat you. That same day she got put out in dodgeball and denied it and started shouting at the other girls on the other side - her behaviour is so childish and I did not like the way she acted just because of a game that was meant to be fun. There is a difference between friendly competition and boasting. Any achievements she makes I celebrate them. However, when I achieve something all she says is good and changes the subject to how amazing she is at swimming or maths and how im not good at those things. When I try to tell her something she butts in and talks about all the things she did. She is constantly comparing the two of us to each other. It is exhausting and I am tired of it. A friend is someone that makes you feel good about your self and not bad about yourself. She always thinks that her way is the right way and thinks she knows what is best for me. I am sick of it. I dont know what to do. Am I being silly and paranoid? I dont like being around her. I only have one other really good friend but she is unfortunately friends with her too as we are a trio. Can you give me some advice? Thank you
Show Answer
It sounds like your friend maybe insecure and finds boasting and comparing her way of feeling better about herself, whilst not taking into account anyone else's feelings. So in future when she makes an unkind remark, stop her and say," I am not in a competition with you or anyone, I am not trying to to better, I am simply doing my best and that's enough for me". Reiterate that being competitive can take the joy out of life and is not for you. If you say this enough times I am hopeful she gets the message and keeps her thoughts to herself.
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