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YXJ570
11/29/2021 11:13:55 PM
Hey Vicki, I'm in my last year of school and I've known this guy (Ill call him P) since year 7 (hes a friend outside of school though). He was really sweet to me the first time we met and i guess having crushes and liking boys seemed so fun back then that i developed this massive crush on him although we weren't that close and i remember I told all my friends and it became a big deal for no reason and it was just really childish. Its a bit embarrassing now but i moved on from him by the end of year 7 maybe and thought i would never revisit it again. But a while later our parents sort of became friends (wed just moved into the area at that time) and I sort of started hanging out with him as a family friend. It was a bit weird at first but we got really close and I genuinely enjoyed being around him. We were still really young then and we were just friends for ages but then he sort of developed feelings for me eventually and I liked him back too (again) and we sort of casually started messing around but it wasnt anything serious. That went on for a while until he really wanted to make it serious and it felt like I wasnt living up to his expectations and that I wasnt what he was looking for. I realised that by then I really wasnt ready for relationships because I was insecure and had a hard time accepting or even understanding what love or affection really meant and I wanted some time to grow as a person because we were still really young so I brushed him off and sort of rejected him. Sometimes I think my ego played into it too because I started becoming really obsessed with older, more attractive guys and a sort of aesthetically perfect fairytale romance you see in books and movies and people were always telling me I could do so much better than P and I was too pretty for a guy like P and they were wrong because he was perfect to me but admittedly, I think it got to my head a little. But anyway, I tried to move on from him and shut my feelings down, even though every time someone mentioned him it still felt like something but I tried to make excuses for it and I convinced myself i only felt like that toward him because I was young and immature or that I wanted to be in a relationship and projected my ideals onto him but I actually didnt want P himself or whatever but then Lockdown happened and I went through a really hard time with my mental health so im glad we didnt end up dating than young. I cant lie he didnt give up on us for ages but he mustve eventually right because I fell into a really bad mindset for a year and a half and I isolated myself from everyone I loved including him and I know it hurt him because hes always been there for me. But anyways, in the time I was struggling, I ended up making some really bad decisions. Ive come a long way since then because recently, my mental health has got a lot better and then, but out of the blue I started thinking about P again and I hadnt for ages. Once again I tried to convince myself it was childish, and it was just because now I was feeling a bit better I was chasing after the idea of a relationship again and that I should just forget him now because Im going to meet new people next September and Ill find someone special then. But the thing is he was really loyal and he seemed like he was still interested in me after all that time but I dont know like. I got involved with some really bad people when I was struggling and it made me realise P was everything I really wanted. We werent perfect like those idealistic relationships i used to dream about but nothing felt forced with him like with everyone else ive liked. I matured a little and sort of understood what I want but now im accepting I might still not be over him, I' m really stuck. At the end of the day I just want to talk to him even as a friend but I dont know how to figure out how im truly feeling. Like do I genuinely like him, am I just being childish and messing around again or am I chasing him because I crave romantic attention? How do I figure this out?
Show Answer
For now and as you are moving school next year, I would ask yourself do you want to be friends with P? If the answer is yes, then speak to him, send him a text letting him know you miss his friendship and apologise if you behaved badly or hurt him in the past. Then take things slow and focus on friendship and not romance, if you do find you now consider him as something more than just a good friend you will know instinctively that it's right.
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