Our Advice Blog

31

Friendships

#askvicki , #friendship

Being a teen is hard sometimes and very often it’s your friends you go to when you need to offload, but did you know that you can learn so much from being part of a close friendship group and this week we cover a few things you and your friends should be experiencing and that will keep you close for many years to come, no matter what happens in life!

Learn to Share

You’re not on your own when you have friends and if you open up and tell them how you are feeling, chances are they are going through the same things too and these shared experiences will only make your friendship bond even closer. Let your friends know they can tell you anything and that you will keep any private chats PRIVATE and be sure to keep this promise.

Learn from Them

If you’ve got a friend who is committed to doing well in school or takes sport seriously, then don’t ridicule them for being like this calling them ‘geeky’. Instead learn from them, they are positive role models and it is always better to surround yourself with people like this, rather than negative friends who always look on the down side. Positive people can often leave us feeling we can excel at something too and give us a kick start to join a new club or try to better ourselves in class.

Learn to give a compliment

It sounds obvious doesn’t it? But so many of us nowadays forget to be nice to each other, so if your friend is wearing a nice outfit or has done well in sport, or even has changed her hairstyle, tell her, by doing this you will encourage others to do the same. And if someone gives you a compliment learn to take it, say “thank you” instead of dismissing the compliment as unworthy of you.

Learn something new

Get out of the habit of rejecting something new. Friends will often have different views and likes based on their home life. So try something that you would never have considered before. It could be something as simple as listening to a new band your friend likes, reading a book they recommend, trying a new activity such as ice-skating or rock climbing, or even eating something you do not generally eat at home, such as sushi, or Mexican food. These new experiences can only make your world far richer for being introduced to them.

Learn to take criticism

Friends are often quick to offer you advice on boys, what movies to watch, music to listen to, how to dress. Don’t take this personally, they generally have your best interest at heart. And if you are the person giving the advice, offer it in a positive way. For example saying “I hate your hairstyle today”, will only cause conflict and upset someone’s feelings. Instead say, “I really loved your hair the way you had it the other day, it was so pretty, you should wear it more like that.”

Friends can be blunt if they think you are making a mistake or doing something that could be harmful or risky. Listen to their advice, you may not take it, but they do this out of genuine care for your well-being and can often see something you are unable to see because they are not so closely involved.

Learn to open up to new friendships

Don’t feel excluded if your friends have other friends outside of your group and if you are invited along to a social event, smile, chat and get to know these new people too, they are not your enemies or rivals and it’s always a good idea to expand your circle of friends and build new relationships. This will also help with any shyness or feelings of being self-conscious that often starts to be noticed in your teen years. And where friends are concerned…the more the merrier!

Learn to let go

Puberty is hard for teens and it is normal for friendships to change and adapt during your teen years. So if a friend seems distant or is spending more time with others, don’t feel too upset, instead of cutting them out of your life and making a big deal out of it, accept this can happen. Smile when you pass them in the corridor or canteen and say “Hi” and keep a limited level of contact with them in the future. You never know they may come back to your group and if they do, welcome them back without judgement.

Learn to accept

Ok, there will always be one or two people in your group that you do not feel a connection with, even argue with from time to time, but that does not mean you have to exclude them from your life or try to force them out of the group. Instead accept that you are never going to be close friends, be polite and learn to understand we are all different, but can still get along.

44

Friendships

#puberty

Puberty signifies big changes in your life. Not only to the way you look but the way you feel. It can also coincide with joining a new school, which makes friendships even more important as you go through these new experiences together.

At times, you may be feeling a little jealous that your friends are developing earlier than you. Just remember there is nothing wrong with being an earlier or late developer. Remember, you’re unique so don’t try to change yourself to fit in.

DID YOU KNOW:

Did you know that
45% of us girls are keeping it natural when it comes to pubic hair and
the numbers are growing!

New
school,
new
friends?

#puberty, #school

Starting a new school can sometimes mean that you and your friends may be split up and put in different classes or different schools. You may even notice you no longer feel close to friends you have known for a long time, or they're distancing themselves from you.

 

Actually, this is very normal and happens a lot during puberty. It's no one's fault and something happens quite naturally. There’s no need to fall out about it so, rather than getting upset, accept this as part of becoming a young adult.

 

If it does happen to you, don’t get caught up in saying unkind things about someone. Instead, focus on making new friends in class who enjoy hanging out with you.

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Comments

Sienna

Hi JJ and Pandas Rule, thank you so much for your advice and comments. I hope that over the summer holidays we can get closer and I will stop self sabotaging as well as I do that a lot and I kind of hang back but I may try to meet them more as not many people like me. Thank you guys - Sienna x

Pandas rule

To 'Sienna', This is a tough situation, and I'm in a similar situation myself, maybe you can try facetimeing your friends, or asking them over for a sleepover Hope this helps

jj

Hi Sienna, I am in the same situation as you. two of my two close friends have known each other since they were babies and live a few houses apart, whereas I live 6 miles away. I have only known them for a year but they are very close and I do sometimes feel excluded. I find that having a few other really close friends that I can talk to and appreciate really helps. they are also born 2 hours apart so have a close connection that way. you are not alone. I was the only one from my primary that went to the secondary so I had to make new friends and throughout the whole of the last 2 years of secondary I have made lots of different friends. don't be afraid to find more people to talk to. hope this helps x

Sienna

Hi, I need some advice. I am in a small friendship group with two other girls. We are all quite close but the other two have known each other for way longer and they live close together whereas I live miles away and they meet up together loads as I am not allowed. I just feel left out cos they have been friends since they were four years old. I don't know what to do cos mostly they are so sweet but I can't help but feel upset and left out. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you - Sienna

Lauren

I have this friend who a guy and recently(past 2 months) he just asks for help with homework and I try talking to him but he doesn't respond. Should I tell him we can't be friends anymore?

R

My best friend is a bit self absorbed I think. Never asks questions to me, texts and looks at ground when I am talking. She also takes things for granted. Very upset

?? PinkLove67

This is nice

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